Any one else just want to stay quarantined forever? Not that I actually got to quarantine, but I can respect these reasons for not wanting to leave the house!
Top Reasons You Want to Stay Quarantined.
There’s just something wonderful about spending all your time at home.
Offices require pants. Real pants, like slacks. Ugh.
Coworkers can’t tell you’re drunk on Zoom.
Your dog isn’t as judgmental as the general public of those who go weeks without showering.
You traded your car for a squirt of hand sanitizer.
You need another month of hair growth to hide what you did to yourself with the coupon scissors.
The only mask you want to wear outside is “emotional.”
Lowe’s isn’t selling Murder Hornet Spray yet.
Netflix refuses to stop recommending shows you might like and dammit, they’re always right!
You’re only one-eighth of the way through every video on YouTube.
You’re not ready to go from “working at home” to ACTUALLY working again.
You’ve eaten so much frozen pizza and Fruit Loops, you’re not even sure you can fit through the door anymore.
You’re afraid you’ll get murdered by Carole Baskin.
Trying to fit back into your jeans could literally kill you.
The only antibodies you’ve built up are to Mountain Dew and Hot Pockets.
Your mask makes you look fat.
It’s fun being kinda drunk all day.
You still haven’t done anything on the to-do list you made prior to quarantine.
There are still six more Boone’s Farm flavors to try.
When it’s over, you’ll have to come up with excuses to turn down invites to your friends’ baby showers and improv shows.
Your butt has fused with the couch.
You’d rather “Netflix and Chill” than “Go Outside and Die”.